Why raising children is like the first year of a humanities degree

I have two children under the age of five. I have also recently finished the first year of my Librarianship degree (in which it was compulsory to undertake four core humanities units). These are some correlations I have observed about the two experiences.

The phrase “I have no idea what I am doing here” is uttered often.

The unknown is scary, even when it is not completely unknown. People in all corners of the world have been raising children for thousands of years – this process is not new – yet, there is no one, right way to do it. 

Children are not like pets (contrary to the beliefs of some). By comparison, pets are so easy to look after; food, water, exercise, yearly vet visit – done. Children have minds, hearts and souls that need nurturing. They need love, attention and they need to be guided and shown (by modelling) how to grow into fully functioning and happy adults. That. Is. Hard.

“I don’t know if I am doing this right?” is a fair question from any parent, but like I said, there is no one ‘right’ – we just need to take it a day at a time and, the important thing is that we try our best.

In the humanities units I did, there is a lot of inward-gazing (or reflexivity) and questioning. Thinking and writing about yourself can also feel like a big ‘unknown’. There can be periods of boredom or tasks you just don’t want to do but, this process (if taken with some measure of seriousness) can also yield surprising rewards.

They both teach you about the world (or the way you see it anyway).

We each live in a bubble. The shiny veneer of this bubble is our ‘worldview’. It is the custom filter through which we process all information about ourselves, the world and our relationship to it. No two worldviews are identical, naturally. However, most people forget “a way of seeing, is also a way of not seeing” (Berger). Even though your child is of your own flesh and is raised by you, they will not have the same worldview. For one, they are of a new generation - born in a different time and raised by a different generation of parents to yours. It’s foolish to expect them to think like you or, even to want them to. You want them to think for themselves. 

As a parent you will be bombarded with questions by your children. “What do worms eat?” and “where do rainbows come from?” are fairly easy to find a consensus on, however, you will eventually get some whoppers like “What is God?”, or “What’s heaven like?”.

My 4-year-old recently surprised me with one of these and I have to say, it was a lot harder to answer than I ever imagined. Firstly, I myself don’t even know what I believe on these topics yet. I’ve sort of gone through life outwardly rebelling against my own mother’s staunch non-secular beliefs, yet subconsciously, finding it hard to not believe there is actually something to this religion-thing (oh yeah, it’s a thing). So, telling my child “well, actually I don’t believe in a God or a heaven” just doesn’t feel right (even if it is what I believe) – I acknowledge there will be some who disagree with me there. 

Anyway, I guess what I am saying is; The questions children and humantities units ask of you help re-install that particular brand of curiosity essential to growth. You learn about yourself (what you believe and, why) which enables you to make any adjustments you feel necessary and, help your child discover their own beliefs (which may not necessarily align with yours in the end). 

It is important for children to grow up knowing why they believe what they believe is not just because it was passed down by their parents as a universal truth – there is no such thing (at least I don’t believe there is).

I highly recommend both.

I realise humanities courses have been the butt of many a joke but, I have really enjoyed my year of discovery. I truly love learning and, what better subjects than my own self and the world around me? 

(My unit on critical thinking was a particular favourite - of course, I’m a logical Virgo). New ways of seeing and thinking are always welcome in my book.

And, what of having Children? 

Well, there really isn’t any other experience like it (yes, I know have just contradicted myself). 

Don’t get me wrong, raising kids is hard work – ‘the patience of Job’ is a prerequisite I’m afraid – but nothing else feels quite as good (and life-affirming) as the unconditional love of a child - and perhaps feeling like you've done something to deserve it.

*For all those playing at home, the humanities subjects I completed this year included; An Introduction to University, Critical Thinking, Art & Creativity and an Introduction to Sociology unit.

Parental Responsibilty

Disheartened by some recent personal events, I felt compelled to write this:

We do not "own" our kids - they belong to the universe. In a sense, we are temporary custodians, entrusted to raise them and, we should be honoured. If you have children, biological or otherwise, you really must do your best to love, respect and nuture them - so that they make physically and emotionally healthy members, not just of your own family but, of the universal family. This is our responsibilty as parents, whether or not our own parents did their best with us.

Children deserve this and more.

Practising What I Preach

Hi there!

Just writing to give you a quick update – and explain my long hiatus from blogging, after only just starting.

I decided to take my own advice, sooner rather than later, and learn more about the craft of writing. I have gone back to tertiary study (Lord help me!). Consequently, I have so far really only had time for reading - not writing.
I plan to get back to this blog as soon as I have enough time to write something decent – but for now, I must bid you adieu.

Self-Publishing Swindle

Disclaimer: These notes are based solely on my individual experience with a company called Xlibris Publishing.

Remember that naivety I spoke of in my first post? Enough said.

After being warned many times about how long it could take to be ‘picked up’ by a big traditional publisher, I foolishly decided to try self-publishing as a stepping stone. While it quelled my need for instant gratification, I was definitely in for a rude awakening.

Disillusion No. 1 – The company will help you to sell tons of copies of your book and you will get rich.

Lesson - Self-publishing companies (or at least the one I went through) actually make their money from you, the author, not the book-buying public.

You pay the (sometimes astronomical) set-up and printing fees, then you pay for all the marketing fees and, then you have to work out some way of getting your book seen by people who will want to buy it.

Also, they kept pestering me to enter my book in several different US book fairs which sounded great, until they told me that I would have to pay an extra $1200 fee for each one.

It’s a lot of money to lay down and a lot of work to sell it.

My only saviour was the fact that I used a ‘print-on-demand’ company, so there was no minimum order. The books are printed as ordered, so I was not left with a garage full of books to try and sell.

Disillusion No.2 – You will have total control over how your book looks.

Lesson - Even if you pay the extra fees to be able to ‘fiddle’ around with the layout of the book, you still need to fit into their limited templates – and for me, this produced something quite far from what I had envisioned for my kids picture book (it would probably be ok for a novel though).

Disillusion No. 3 – The retail price of your book will be reasonable.

Lesson - The company sets the price of your book (unless you pay extra to ‘set your own price’ – which I was not told about until later). It didn’t even occur to me to ask what that price would be before I signed up, because (silly me) I thought that it would be reasonable and, in line with other comparable books in the market. However, they set mine at $30.99AUD (which in Australia, is absolutely ridiculous for a 32-page paperback children’s picture book by an unknown author).

I love my book but I would not pay that much for it – not even a new Pamela Allen would be priced that high.

You’d think that the companies would set the price so that they sell more copies and make more money – or is it just me?

Also, since it is only available online, you have to add about $10AUD for postage which makes it such a ‘rip-off’ I wouldn’t even let my family buy a copy of the book.

Update: It’s now been nearly six months since my book went on sale and, I have only just sold my first copy. That is because they have finally released it to their online resellers (Amazon and Barnes&Noble) which have taken the price down to around $12AUD.

By the way, I only make 10% of royalties on each book – even though they lured me with promises of 25% (that’s only for direct sales through their website which are highly unlikely since the book price is about 3 times higher there than on the resellers’ sites).

Good points about Self-Publishing (yes, there are some – well actually only 2 really):

You still retain the rights to your work – i.e. the deal was not exclusive so you can still be signed by a traditional publisher.

It is a very quick turnaround. My book was available for purchase within 48hours of galley approvals.

I’ve now decided to start submitting manuscripts to traditional publishing houses and see how I go. So, if you are thinking about self-publishing..........just beware and good luck!

Ramblings of a Newborn Writer

I am a new writer. I am so new you can almost smell the naïveté wafting out as I open my laptop to write this – my very first blog. There is, as yet, no hint of disillusionment from hundreds of rejection letters and, although I have had a few self-publishing woes, I am eternally optimistic with my dreams of literary grandeur. So, at the suggestion of a good, web savvy friend (thanks Ange!), I now begin what I hope will be a very long and fulfilling journey as a writer.

I never thought of myself as a good writer. In fact I never thought of myself as a writer at all. There were so many other, more glamorous, professions I dreamt about getting into - but now I wonder; would they have been more satisfying or pride-evoking than what I have embarked on now?

I guess I finally found what I want to be when I grow up! Or rather, I found out what I am and, have been since the day I learned how to put two words together. Now that I think about it, I do remember the first time I thought I could be a writer - I just didn’t realise it then.

It was December 1995 and I was just a teenager sitting in her room reading a magazine (I think it was Cosmopolitan). I came across an article about Barbra Streisand in which the writer (I wish I could remember their name so I can credit them) wrote: “She began that languid ballad of young love softly, her voice youthful but clear as a bell, her high notes enthrallingly pure”.
I was so in awe of that sentence that I had to write it down and, to this day I am not entirely sure why but, I remember wishing I could make others feel what I felt with those words.

It’s amazing the clarity you get when you finally make that life decision, nay discovery. Now all the pieces fit – like my compulsion to collect books (even if I didn’t end up reading them). I always loved how they filled my bookcase with a beautiful kaleidoscope of spines and, more than that, the promise of where they could take you and what they could make you feel. 
There's my stationery fetish and, I could never walk past a blank sheet of paper without writing or drawing something on it - even if it was just my name or a doodle of a flower or something. An unknown force had me magnetised to that page and I couldn’t escape until I had marked it with something of me (psychological interpretations regarding that little personality tidbit are most welcome).

I was never one for over-the-top big or difficult words though – I think there is more pleasure in making people feel the power of language and story, no matter how large or limited their vocabulary. I guess that’s why I want to write children's books (which hopefully adults can appreciate too).

Now, sometimes my inferiority complex rears its ugly head and I do think to myself “who do I think I am trying to do this for a living?”. Especially when under the illustrious writers umbrella stands revered artists like Shakespeare and Margaret Mitchell (sorry, big ‘Gone with the Wind’ fan). 
And here’s me; someone who didn’t have a particularly fantastic education and who basically plagiarised her year 3 creative writing assignment from the story of a video game – thank heavens ‘my’ story about a boy called Zink who went on a dangerous quest to save a Princess Kelda didn’t sound familiar at all to my teacher at the time (sorry Miss!).
Well, I answer my inner critic (as well as outer ones) with this; if you just can’t help yourself doing what you’re doing and, you are completely happy with yourself when you are doing it, then to hell with what anyone else thinks of the quality of your work. On the other hand; you should always retain a thirst for knowledge of your craft. Keep striving to know more about your work and, do better. After all, it gives you so much – pleasure, comfort, freedom, self esteem and - indeed a purpose in life.

Sure, every writer dreams of writing something profound and enduring that, people the world over can relate to, cherish and (let’s be honest) pay for.
But I say, if you get just one person (who is not emotionally or otherwise invested in you or your work) to read past the first few lines or first page and want to know what happens next, you have done something right.

If you write, you are a writer even if no one buys your stuff. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to aspire to be the next best-seller but, as trite and clichéd as it may sound, you have to stay true to yourself even without any outside validation.

Oscar Wilde said it best – “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken”.

So, from the bottom of my little writers heart – thank you so much for reading and I hope to meet you again on this exciting journey.

Ciao!